Ga State Alumna
Graduate Student, School Psychology Ed.S
Things I love: Allah/Spirit, Me, My Family, My Culture, Music (country, soul, jazz, classical), My Clarinet, Video Games, Cooking/Baking & ANIME!
Anime Currently Watching: One Piece, Deadman Wonderland, Ace of Diamond, Bleach, Attack On Titan, Hunter X Hunter...
Manga Currently Reading: Blue Exorcist, Berserk...
Love to receive recs for new anime/manga to get into =)
I got to figure out what I’m doing with my hair. I always said that when my stylist retired or if I moved, that would be it for my mild relaxer I get. I just don’t have the patience to do it myself. I don’t trust anyone else to do my hair but her. I got to talk to her about products to use and how to tame my hair when I move. She probably going to want to work on it early so I got to remind myself to let her know this the next time I go for an appt. I wish I could just chop my hair off so I can avoid having to deal with my hair for awhile haha. I think I would probably end up doing a lot of twists. Just going to have to watch some videos and learn how. Not too sold on wearing twist though but it’s an idea. I think I have 3C hair? (who made this stuff up?) I know as much about hair as I do about makeup. Ugh, this is the biggest thing I am giving up so that shows how serious I am about going to Hawaii. I don’t think my relaxers would last in that climate anyway. I never got a “regular” relaxer and always get the mild version and those don’t hold up well in the heat/humidity.
It’s 6 am. I been up since 3. Working on studying for the last part of my midterm. I’m feeling great about it! So great that it’s time for me to make some fried chicken and mash potatoes because it’s needed.
I also typed up my Operation Hawaii Plan. Man, it is way cheaper than I thought it would be when I crunch the numbers. I guess because it’s just me (and my dog) and I don’t have a lot of things to move with me. Despite that, the overall goal is to save 5,000 for the trip. If I save 1,000 of my refund check every semester for the remainder of my grad school duration, I will have it saved super early. I’m talking about by the beginning of my internship year. Which gives me also time to make travel arrangements for interviews/apartment search before the move. I also will have the money for it as well!
Shout out to goals and dreams coming true. I can see myself so close. These next 2 yrs will fly by so fast!
So I was down in the dumps for about a month or so. I use to suffer from depression when I was younger and this was the first time that I have been close to that “feeling” again. Things have picked up since I have refocused my goals and have Hawaii in mind for the future. When I feel myself slipping I think of Hawaii and I feel a warmth on my face. I always have this vision of me looking into a sunset and looking up in the sky. I don’t know where that vision came from but once I made up in my mind that I was going there it appeared.
But that isn’t what this is about…
I am having issues in other areas that I noticed. I have suffered from OCD since I was a child and Anxiety Disorder. I have been able to manage it very well (now) and have learned to live with it and work around the issues. It’s another area that I hope to connect with kids with similar issues as to show them that they can make it just fine in life despite the diagnosis.
I noticed that I am showing signs of these disorders way more overtly and aggressively. I anticipated the anxiety problems but the ocd issues that are suffering are becoming an issue. I’m checking doors again and more often. Even though my spirits have went up, I noticed I have started over cleaning in absence of my sadness. It’s almost like I’m still subconsciously bothered and it’s coming out through anxiety. I feel like nothing is clean enough and think everything is contaminated. It doesn’t help that I stay with nasty roommates. I’m having struggles deviating from rituals. The freaking counting and checking is just time consuming. The constant cleaning is time consuming as well. This is now transferring over to school work as I am dwelling on certain school work items longer than usual. Going over things again and again. Freaking out when I didn’t check something a certain number of times and feeling anxious about it. Even the way I navigate to campus is noticeable. I hate that grad school and being in a new environment is bringing this out. I have been trying to decide should I seek help or should I continue as I am. It has been awhile since I was regularly seeing a psychologist and when I did start up again, I did not like the experiences I went through with the on campus counseling services. I just don’t know yet. I have to figure that out. I just have to calm down. I should do a little more exposure therapy perhaps.